Season 3 Episode 13 - The Zeppo
In the first scene, we see Giles, Faith, Buffy, and Willow — and an ugly monster — in a very cloudy, murky underground setting. Willow says a spell, the fog lifts, and Faith shoves a sword through the female demon. Giles admits that he is not sure what these demons are. Xander crawls out from under the rubble, and Buffy expresses concern that Xander is going to get himself hurt or killed, and that he should stay out of the way in the future. Giles agrees.
The next day at school, Xander is desperately trying to join in a lunchtime football game. When the ball is finally thrown to him, he misses and the ball hits some guy's lunch (Jack O'Toole). Xander apologizes, but Jack threatens to cut Xander's face open and kick Xander's ass into a new shape. Cordelia, who has seen the whole thing, ridicules Xander. She points out that he is a nothing compared to his friends (Slayer, werewolf, etc.). Xander claims to be an integral part of the group, but Cordelia argues that he is "the Zeppo," the useless one.
In the cafeteria, Xander is analyzing "coolness" with Oz, and decides he needs a "thing." Back in the library, Giles tells Buffy that last night's demons were from The Sisterhood of Jhe, a cult which exists "solely to bring about the world's destruction." They intend to open the Hellmouth. Oz comes in, cutting it close as usual, and locks himself in the book cage for the night.
The next morning, Buffy is updating Willow and reminding her of the demon that came out of the Hellmouth when it opened last time, when Xander pulls up in a aqua-blue convertible 1957 Chevy Bel Air. He tells the girls that this is his "thing:" he is "car guy, guy with a car." His Uncle Rory has lent it to him. Buffy tells Xander that big evil is around the corner (no details for Xander). He offers his help, and we next see him at the downtown coffee shop buying donuts for the gang. Cordelia comes up, realizing what's going on, and calls him expendable. Just as she is saying that no one cares about his car, a beautiful blonde (Lysette) approaches him, obviously quite knowledgeable about cars. Xander invites her for a drive, as Cordelia stares after them.
Xander and Lysette are hanging out at the Bronze, as she babbles about cars and her ex-boyfriends who own them. An incredibly bored Xander is thrilled to see Angel walk in, but he is looking for Buffy, and insists Xander stay out of harm's way. Lysette wants to go for another drive, but as Xander takes off, he rear-ends a parked car...and Jack O' Toole gets out of it!
Buffy and Willow are researching in the library, and Willow thinks that Oz is cranky. Giles comes in, and says that he is going to try to get some info from the Spirit Guides. He notices that they have eaten all of the jelly donuts, and is perturbed.
Back at the Bronze, Jack pulls a big knife on Xander, introduces it as "Katie," and is about to do some damage with it when a cop comes up. Xander says Jack wasn't doing anything wrong, which makes Jack like him, and he gets Xander to be "wheel man" for him. They go off the "get the boys." This does not entail going house to house picking the boys up — it entails Jack raising his three friends from the dead.
Giles is at the Restfield Cemetery speaking in Latin to a glowing fog outside of a mausoleum, the Spirit Guides, but they refuse to divulge any information to Giles. Xander runs into him, offering to help (hoping to ditch the zombies), but Giles encourages Xander to stay out of trouble.
At Willy's bar, Willy (and his bar) have been beat up by the Jhe demons, and he reveals that their plan is for tonight; and also that they are looking for Buffy and Angel. He thinks she and Angel should spend some quality time together for their last night on earth.
Xander is driving Jack and his zombie friends around, who want to pick up chicks, get some beer, and "bake a cake." Cake-baking wins, so the guys leave Xander in the car while they break into Decker Hardware downtown. Xander sees Willow coming out of the magic store. She tells him "it" is happening tonight, hugs him, tells him she loves him, and runs off. Xander wants to go after her, but the guys want to initiate him into the gang. Unfortunately, the initiation is death. It turns out Jack is dead too, but he was raised by his "grandpappy" so quickly that it doesn't show. Xander runs from them, jumps in the car, and speeds off, with the stuff they stole from the hardware store. Xander is driving along when he comes upon Faith fighting one of the demons, and hits the demon with his car. Faith jumps in and they take off, with the demon running after them. They lose her and go to Faith's place. Faith tells Xander that she's about ready to pop ("a fight like that and no kill..."), and asks if Xander is up for it. She grabs his crotch, and "suddenly [he's] very up." She starts kissing him, pushes him onto the bed, and they have sex! Afterwards, Faith throws him out, wearing only his boxers: "That was great. I gotta shower."
In the library, Oz the werewolf is quite agitated. Giles opens the cage door, and Willow shoots him with the tranquilizer gun (two shots are necessary to stop him). Willow is going to move him somewhere else.
Xander has gotten dressed, and getting in his car, sees the guy's stolen items (kerosene, etc.). He realizes they were not going to bake a cake. They were going to make a bomb. He goes to get Buffy, and finds her at Angel's, where they are crying, arguing about what to do, and declaring their love for each other. Xander interrupts, but looking at them, decides it is a bad time.
In the library, Willow and Giles are preparing a spell. Below them in the boiler room, the zombies are setting up their bomb. Xander is in his car, and spots the guys in the street (a few minutes later). He gets one of them (Parker) to grab onto the car, and while he drags him around, he gets him to tell him the bomb is in the boiler room at school. Before he can ask how to disarm it, Xander comes too close to a mailbox and decapitates Parker. He heads to the school, the guys right after him.
In the library, the big-ass demon has emerged from the Hellmouth, and according to Giles, it has grown. The guys split up inside the school to look for Xander. Bob finds him, but Xander manages to push a vending machine onto him, killing him (again). Dickie comes up, sees what has happened, and runs from Xander. Xander chases him down a hallway, but they both come running back when three of the Jhe demons come after them, catching up to and eating Dickie. Xander is startled by one the demon's many heads bursting through the wall, but he heads for the boiler room and spots the bomb with less than two minutes on it. Jack comes in, they fight, and Xander gets control of the situation, blocking Jack from getting out. Xander points out that if he gets blown up, he can't drink beer with his buddies (that's a different kind of dead). The clock keeps ticking. Jack disconnects it with two seconds to spare. After Xander leaves, Jack opens up a door and is instantly attacked and eaten by Oz the werewolf.
The next day, Buffy, Willow, Oz and Giles are discussing their latest heroics. Buffy's right arm is in a sling, Giles' left hand is in a cast, and all but Oz are severely bruised. It's reported that Angel was unconscious for a few minutes, Willow will "never forget that thing's real face," Giles apparently did the bravest thing Buffy ever saw, and Oz is "oddly full." Xander comes up, and they tell him he's lucky he wasn't at school last night. He doesn't mention his escapades. Cordelia approaches him, insulting him yet again, but he just gives her a look and walks away, annoying the hell out of her: "What? What? What?!"